I just had a F&*king powerful dog walk, no kidding…you have to watch this!

I have just got home from a very tearful dog walk, literally tears streaming down my face. Not because of some cuteness overload, that only my two fur Babies can provide.  Not because I fell over in the mud and totes embarrassed myself in front of a family of 4 walking towards me, ( that could have happened, but didn’t BTW) . It was also not because I realised the hill (mountain) was far steeper than it seemed and my thighs are screaming at me to stop.

No it was none of those things, I am walking the dogs this morning and listening to a really rather fabulous comedian turned life guru, Kyle Cease. Well to cut a loooooong story short, he pulled up a guy from the audience who had a poem to share.

GROAN – I have never been good with poetry, at school it was a bunch of words which went together with flowers growing or love dying. It was confusing, overrated and boring.

BUT – nowadays they say poetry is actually songwriting without the words, poetry is not longer long winded puffed up words I don’t understand but straight to the point sentences about things that I can relate to, Apparently rapping is just a poem! Ha… not so hard now Fifty dollar or what ever your called.

Not even a third of the way through this poem I was crying, halfway I actually sobbed….I kid you not, this is real.

Tears were a flowing, and I am not a cryer. Infact crying is not something I have ever been able to do well, is it a skill or something I should have learned how to do when I was younger, I am not sure, but I defo missed that lesson.  So you can imagine I was a little surprised and taken back. Even the dogs stopped and looked at me “are you ok mummy?”

So what had me all a flow?

The poem was called ‘you are who your looking for’ and written by a rather cute guy called Adam Roa.  Instead of me telling you about it here is the link, watch it yourself; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt5_3cbo31I

I have to conclude this blog post, because it seems this blog is turning into my personally release valve, but I feel I should explain why this poem had me at “you think your not blessed with everything you need”

I struggle every day, but not with my weight.

Not even with my saggy bags under my eyes, with the chin of three, or the skin all wrinkled, I don’t even mind those grey highlights.

I struggle with how I look, how I feel I should look, how attractive I find myself.

“Gosh she has gained a lot of weight recently”…isn’t that what we say, “wow he has added a lot of timber”. “oh damn, I have to sit next to the fat sweaty guy on the plane”.  “Really no wonder she is overweight with those bags and bags of crisps, sweets and junk food in her trolly”.

I know we don’t think we judge, but we do…..and that is what I struggle with. Because inside I am not that person, my mind is on fire, my skills are out of this world and wow I can touch peoples Hearts and minds in ways I don’t even know, I know I am pretty, sexy and my smile makes others smile. It is not that which bothers me, it is the fact that I think I am the sum of my shell.

The shell, which has been beaten, bruised, given birth, had cancer, cut open and sewn back up again. The Shell which has a spine which is crumbling and holes in its bones, and shell which can’t see so well, and produces too much CF fluid, so needs help with a shunt. A shell which is getting old and slow……

The shell which has got me where I am today, a shell which has not died yet, a shell which has taken be halfway around the world and back again, a shell which has been touched, loved and has given me, the spirit inside, the opportunity to experience such beautiful things.

Why oh why do I hate it so very much, why do I scold it, when I look down at the fat knees, and see the disappearing jawline, why do I dismiss it’s cry for rest, sleep and peace.

I have no idea, but from now on….it all changes.

Today I love myself like I have never loved another, my heart breaks for the love I feel for my self and I am so very truly blessed to still be here, alive and able to share this inspired voice with you.

Today please, if you do nothing else good, please love yourself, watch this video and share these words so others might just find the love and peace they need.

I am now crying again….truly….my client is about to walk through the door, so I shall leave you with this right now.

PS. So I showed my client that video, and we both ended up crying again! Seriously if anyone had walked through the office door that moment, they would have wondered who had died. We were blubbering and sobbing and trying to talk at the same time. It was actually very funny!